I have trouble with my birthday and I have thought about why. Every year, February rolls around and I get antsy. As I have said I am not a fan of February but my birthday in particular really sets me on edge. It is not because I am another year older or that I do not like the attention. I think I have broken it down into two reasons.
First Reason: I have had a lot of disappointment on my birthday. Having a birthday in an area that tends to get snow in winter can be a blessing for some as they love snow and enjoy snow days. For me, I hated snow because it was often bad enough that I had several bday plans postponed or canceled because of inclement weather. I remember birthday mornings where I bounced out of bed excited for the plans we had made. I look out my window...to see three to five foot snow drifts. I moved to Texas thinking 'Ha! Come and get me here snow!'. I had a couple of iced out days but as an adult, you have more abilities to celebrate the way you want than as a kid so it wasn't too bad. After getting married, my expectations changed and I am not sure why they did. I guess I expected my immediate family to do more. My 40th birthday was more disappointing than any as a kid. It fucking sucked.
Second Reason: Employment. Looking back over my resume, I have lost three jobs and changed jobs twice on that dreaded month. I am getting shell shocked to the point where the month draws near and I start to freak out. It is distressing to hate an entire month of the year.
I realize this is all in my head. I have complete control on whether or not I want this to affect me. Like thousands of other things in life, we have total control on how they affect us. I am ready to drop this stress but it is hard when it is reinforced almost every year.
